I do not exist

Andy, looking over the multitude of boxes, says, "I want crave."

I stare back at him blankly.

He looks at me. "What?" he says.

"Crave is a cat food."

"No, it's not," he replies, and points to the shelf.



"See?" he asks. "Krave."

"Crave is a cat food," I insist. "Surely you've heard of it?"

"No."

"My kitty cat craves crave? I'm going to have to sing the song to you, aren't I?"

Now it's Andy's turn to stare at me blankly, as I began to sing.

"My kitty cat crave chicken,
My kitty cat craves milk,
My kitty cat craves tuna,
so my kitty cat, craves Crave!"

Andy is slowly shaking his head. After 10 years as friends and roommates, he doesn't even bother to look around to see if anyone is within ear shot. I sigh.

"There's a second verse, too!

My kitty cat is healthy,
My kitty cat's carefree,
I feed my cat with lots of Crave so my kitty cat loves me!"

Andy is walking away now. I follow him with the cart. "You've never seen the commercial?"

"No!" he calls back over his shoulder. "Probably because it came out in the 40s."

I grumble and follow along behind him. By the next aisle, I'm humming the Crave cat food theme, and I still am when we check out 20 minutes later.


Crave cat food by weatherguru76

Crave was discontinued in the 80's but is back with cat treats now (no longer cat food, just treats.)

Jynx likes his new kitty water fountain.

If I were a stripper, my song would be Rock Lobster.

I have vowed never to get another epidural to the neck again. The results are not worth the trauma of the procedure, and I did not have neck pain until the damned things were done.

Should lube be gummy?

If one is obtuse and astute at the same time, are they obstute or astuse?