October 2011 Column - Making my presence less known

Making my presence less known

By Timothy H. Kepple

I’m dieting.

Well, we are dieting. My roommate and I. Because slow starvation is easier when you have a companion you can stare hungrily at while imagining he might taste like chicken, as has been rumored. And before anyone can smugly chime in and tell me that starving oneself is not the proper way to diet, I will preemptively counter that the very act of dieting is to restrict one’s caloric intake to a level below what the body is accustomed to, thereby forcing it to make up the differential by utilizing fat storage which, therefore, causes weight loss; and while this is not severe starvation, it is starvation nonetheless. This sounds like a feasible argument even though I actually made it all up, but you’re best off just nodding and agreeing with me because most likely I’m bigger than you. And I’m hungry.

( Read more... )

October 2011 Column - Making my presence less known

Making my presence less known

By Timothy H. Kepple

I’m dieting.

Well, we are dieting. My roommate and I. Because slow starvation is easier when you have a companion you can stare hungrily at while imagining he might taste like chicken, as has been rumored. And before anyone can smugly chime in and tell me that starving oneself is not the proper way to diet, I will preemptively counter that the very act of dieting is to restrict one’s caloric intake to a level below what the body is accustomed to, thereby forcing it to make up the differential by utilizing fat storage which, therefore, causes weight loss; and while this is not severe starvation, it is starvation nonetheless. This sounds like a feasible argument even though I actually made it all up, but you’re best off just nodding and agreeing with me because most likely I’m bigger than you. And I’m hungry.

( Read more... )