outsdr | So much to get caught up on

I've been studying to take my CompTIA A+ certification. This is the basic computer tech certification test. I've been using computers since 1983 and working on hardware since 1995; it's time that I have the piece of paper that certifies that I know what I say I know. It's interesting, however, to discover what I DON'T know while studying for the test, and to find my weaknesses. For instance, my degree of knowledge goes down when I'm not physically working on a machine; I need those hands-on visual cues to trigger what is in my head.

Andy got Jinx a kitty castle.

Jinx in his kitty Castle

Jinx adores the box it came in, lol. He doesn't really play on the castle, but does take naps on it. He has yet to go up to it's highest reaches. This all came about after I told Andy how someday I'll have a house with carpeted runways mounted near the ceiling on all the walls so the cats can play.

Saturday, my mother was hospitalized with a urinary track infection. At the time, she was experiencing a lot of confusion and it was obvious that when she talked, the words weren't coming out like she wanted them to. At the time, the toxic buildup from urine retention was blamed for this. She was released from the hospital yesterday; it seems that the urinary infection wasn't very bad.

I talked to her on the phone last night. She sounded fine at first, but when I asked her to explain what happened, she couldn't express herself properly. And she didn't want to talk any more.

I called my father, and he said that she's also trying to get out of bed herself, and to get out of her wheelchair. If this doesn't stop, she'll have to be restrained with straps. Now all of this is being blamed on the progression of her MS. Which means, it's not going to get better, only worse.

I was able to deal with her worsening condition from the MS because she's always been able to communicate and her mind was always there. But now- all I can think of is that she's trapped inside her own head now, fully aware of what's happening as her body breaks down over the next 10 years but not even able to speak any more.

So what do I do? I'm 2,000 miles away and six hours on a good day away from the nearest airport. I wasn't planning on making a trip this year to visit, but I probably should. But after that ... Andy and I have discussed moving in 2011 back to Albuquerque, New Mexico. This would put me in a city with an airport and would make visits much easier. But part of me thinks that I should move back east to be closer to my family. However- there's really nothing for me there BUT my family. I'm not sure where I'd live, where I'd find a job. And I don't really care for the east coast any more, after living in the west for 15 years. I feel trapped there. And I'm not sure if Andy would move to the east coast with me. He's too big a part of my life to let go of now.

sigh

Right now, there's not much I can do but mull this over in my head, and hope that just maybe mom will actually improve again. The future is a scary place though.