Fall

[outsdr]

Autumn is the time of the year when the trees drop their leaves like your cousin's mother at your bachelor party after being handed a fist-full of dollars. The scent of death and decay fills the air as the chill of the approaching winter takes hold of the night, prompting animals to settle in for the long seasonal sleep and your furnace begin to run as natural gas companies gouge their prices accordingly. Hope becomes harder to hold to; love is furthest from the heart; the days begin to shorten as depression begins to deepen. Blame it on Seasonal Affective Disorder or your newlywed bride's cheating ways. Don't you realize she wouldn't stray if you'd only take care of her needs once in awhile instead of immediately going to sleep after three minutes of intimacy? Enjoy the colors of autumn glory while they last; they're the last bright spot left in your life anyway.