![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
outsdrI realized over the weekend, probably around the 8th Washington Apple, or maybe the 10th vodka & Red Bull, that the weirdness in my hands goes back waaayyy further than I realized.
March 1, 2007- I quit smoking. Besides the obvious reasons, something that had really been bothering me for the previous 10-12 months was waking up to tingly finger tips and sharp shooting pain, like needles being stuck in my finger pads. A few months after quitting smoking, I was really annoyed that these pains hadn't gone away- because I thought they were being caused by bad circulation to my hands due to smoking.
Hmmm.
Eventually, those pains did subside somewhat, or were supplanted by other weird pains in my hand over the course of the year, until June of 2008, when the pain in my hands and the odd wrist weakness led me to go to the doctor. Considering the symptoms, as well as the fact that I use a computer for close to 16 hours a day, the diagnosis of carpal tunnel syndrome was kind of a gimme. Flash-forward to the end of November; I've had surgery on both hands, and now I just have to wait six months for them to heal and viola- no more pain.
Except, that never happens. Yeah, there is some improvement- my grip got better, and some small twitches and pains in the hands went away. But the knuckles in each hand began to feel ... it's hard to describe. Broken, but fully mobile? Painful, definitely. And my hands got shakey. And numb ... and as time went by, I noticed it was spreading up my arms.
In 2005, I also noticed that my outer fingers were getting lazy while typing. I primarily use the ring fingers for operating the shift keys, depending on where my other fingers are (My typing style is a little bizarre, but it works for me. My pinkies are almost never used while typing.) I would type a capital letter, but with increasing frequency the next following letter would also be capitalized, because I hadn't released the shift key in time. My fingers were moving at different speeds, but in my head, all the commands to my hands were going out correctly.
Back in the present, I'm noticing increasing typos due to greater loss of digital control- letters aren't getting typed, because I won't hit the key with enough force; the same thing is happening with the space bar, leading to runtogetherwords. Each time it happens, it comes as a surprise, because I can feel my fingers hitting the keys; I _know_ it's happening ... but there's no results.
Frustrating.
Wyoming is a big state, but with very few people, and not many large cities. Medical specialists tend to have a home office in one of the larger towns, and then travel around the state for much of the month, visiting different towns and seeing patients there. When I talked to the neurosurgeon, I was given the option of either waiting for him to come to my town on July 18th, or I could drive the four hours to his base town and see him on May 27th.
I choose the earlier option, and I'm glad. I have questions I want answered, and problems I need fixed. The sooner the better.
Because fuck, I'm frustrated. I've got freelance projects I need to work on, people who are counting me to meet deadlines and live up to my word, and it takes me numerous tries to draw a proper line or correctly type a paragraph. And it's rarer and rarer that my hands are normal in any way- if they don't hurt, they're numb. If they're not numb, they're weak. If they're not weak, they're not doing what I think they are. I was doing some charcoal drawings this evening, trying to work on a technique that I was hoping would look really interesting for one of my projects. I got close to being finished, when I realized I had been dragging my right hand through my work for who knows how long, and it was ruined. I never even felt my hand on the page.
Grr.
This morning, I was working on typesetting an ad, when my left forearm started twitching. For the next ten minutes, the muscles twitched and jumped visibly underneath the skin. While fascinating, I felt an odd mixture of annoyance, frustration, and a little shame, I guess. I don't like being slowed down; I don't like being weak; and I REALLY don't like losing control.
Right now, there's nothing else I can do but press on. Tomorrow's another day; the weaker I feel, the harder I'll work.
It took me 45 minutes to type this in and correct the mistakes. *sigh*
March 1, 2007- I quit smoking. Besides the obvious reasons, something that had really been bothering me for the previous 10-12 months was waking up to tingly finger tips and sharp shooting pain, like needles being stuck in my finger pads. A few months after quitting smoking, I was really annoyed that these pains hadn't gone away- because I thought they were being caused by bad circulation to my hands due to smoking.
Hmmm.
Eventually, those pains did subside somewhat, or were supplanted by other weird pains in my hand over the course of the year, until June of 2008, when the pain in my hands and the odd wrist weakness led me to go to the doctor. Considering the symptoms, as well as the fact that I use a computer for close to 16 hours a day, the diagnosis of carpal tunnel syndrome was kind of a gimme. Flash-forward to the end of November; I've had surgery on both hands, and now I just have to wait six months for them to heal and viola- no more pain.
Except, that never happens. Yeah, there is some improvement- my grip got better, and some small twitches and pains in the hands went away. But the knuckles in each hand began to feel ... it's hard to describe. Broken, but fully mobile? Painful, definitely. And my hands got shakey. And numb ... and as time went by, I noticed it was spreading up my arms.
In 2005, I also noticed that my outer fingers were getting lazy while typing. I primarily use the ring fingers for operating the shift keys, depending on where my other fingers are (My typing style is a little bizarre, but it works for me. My pinkies are almost never used while typing.) I would type a capital letter, but with increasing frequency the next following letter would also be capitalized, because I hadn't released the shift key in time. My fingers were moving at different speeds, but in my head, all the commands to my hands were going out correctly.
Back in the present, I'm noticing increasing typos due to greater loss of digital control- letters aren't getting typed, because I won't hit the key with enough force; the same thing is happening with the space bar, leading to runtogetherwords. Each time it happens, it comes as a surprise, because I can feel my fingers hitting the keys; I _know_ it's happening ... but there's no results.
Frustrating.
Wyoming is a big state, but with very few people, and not many large cities. Medical specialists tend to have a home office in one of the larger towns, and then travel around the state for much of the month, visiting different towns and seeing patients there. When I talked to the neurosurgeon, I was given the option of either waiting for him to come to my town on July 18th, or I could drive the four hours to his base town and see him on May 27th.
I choose the earlier option, and I'm glad. I have questions I want answered, and problems I need fixed. The sooner the better.
Because fuck, I'm frustrated. I've got freelance projects I need to work on, people who are counting me to meet deadlines and live up to my word, and it takes me numerous tries to draw a proper line or correctly type a paragraph. And it's rarer and rarer that my hands are normal in any way- if they don't hurt, they're numb. If they're not numb, they're weak. If they're not weak, they're not doing what I think they are. I was doing some charcoal drawings this evening, trying to work on a technique that I was hoping would look really interesting for one of my projects. I got close to being finished, when I realized I had been dragging my right hand through my work for who knows how long, and it was ruined. I never even felt my hand on the page.
Grr.
This morning, I was working on typesetting an ad, when my left forearm started twitching. For the next ten minutes, the muscles twitched and jumped visibly underneath the skin. While fascinating, I felt an odd mixture of annoyance, frustration, and a little shame, I guess. I don't like being slowed down; I don't like being weak; and I REALLY don't like losing control.
Right now, there's nothing else I can do but press on. Tomorrow's another day; the weaker I feel, the harder I'll work.
It took me 45 minutes to type this in and correct the mistakes. *sigh*
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-05-21 01:33 pm (UTC)I know firsthand how frustrating medical issues can be. I really hope you get this resolved.
no subject
Date: 2009-05-21 08:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-21 09:51 pm (UTC)So...how is that story coming? :)
no subject
Date: 2009-05-21 11:13 pm (UTC)You and your awesome story make up the 75% of what I'm referencing in that paragraph.
I _will_ get them done, either by deadline or as close to it as I possibly can.
no subject
Date: 2009-05-21 11:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-21 11:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-21 11:21 pm (UTC)If it's what the MRIs seem to show, a protruding disk in between the vertebrae in my neck pressing on the spinal cord ... the disk will have to be removed, the two vertebrae will need to be fused together ... or the damage to the spine will get worse, and permanent.
The only good news in this is that the surgeon goes through the front of my throat, and not my hands this time, lol.