Jan. 7th, 2012


Jan. 7th, 2012 03:00 am
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I need to write a column this weekend, and once again, I'm terrified that the well's going to be dry when I get to it.

When does this fear of failure go away?

In the past, I think I've run up against this before in various creative endeavors, and instead of trying to work my way through it, I gave up and let it win: I became so terrified of failing, that I refused to even make an effort. This has happened with photography, painting, poetry, performing ... about the only thing it hasn't happened with is graphic design, probably for two reasons- I don't see it as an artistic endeavor, and I've always been mediocre at it, at best. With so many of the other things I've listed, I started out and very quickly reached a high point that I felt unable to sustain, let alone rise above. So I took the easy way out and cowardly labelled it "quitting while I was ahead."

I don't want that to happen this time; I refuse to let that happen this time. I doubt I'll ever get over the fears of creative endeavors, but I'm trying not to let them cripple me any more. So, tomorrow night, I'll write a column. Right now, I don't know what it will be about (as always, there's a lot o random possible topics swirling in my head, from Cleaning House to Dogs I've Known to Why I Like Ties) or how well it will turn out or how long I'll stare at the keyboard before I actually make some words do things that will hopefully make me laugh and therefore make someone else laugh as well.

As long as there is a result, I will not have failed. Even if it's crap, I suppose.

ETA: And just went through a few minutes of inner mockery, along the lines of "Ha-ha, you think you're a writer. REAL writers laugh at your petty fears!" Yeah, thanks brain, I needed that. :|


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